I made up my mind to rotational date, my husband was not having it and yours won’t either!-Lets talk rotational dating 101!

Story time: 

I was having the absolute worst time in the dating pool.  It just felt like no matter what I did I couldn’t find someone to connect with that was even in the same vicinity of values as myself let alone the same page.  I learned about rotational dating and went on a PhD style deep dive into figuring out just how and if it would work for me. So what is it?

What is Rotational Dating?

Rotational dating simply means you are dating more than one person at a time without committing to any of them exclusively—yet.

It’s not about being sneaky, manipulative, or playing games.

It’s about being intentional. It’s about dating with clarity, curiosity, and confidence while keeping your options open long enough to discern what (and who) is actually aligned for the long term.

You’re not locking in too soon. You’re observing. You’re listening. You’re feeling into each dynamic—how you show up, how they show up, and whether or not this has real potential.

I always say: the dating phase is data collection. Rotational dating allows you to gather that data without jumping into commitment out of pressure, loneliness, or potential you hope will grow into something deeper.

Why I believe Rotational dating is the proper strategy for women to date with:

• You stay out of fantasy and in reality

  
  

• You avoid over-investing in someone too soon

  
  

• You learn what types of energy feel safest, most exciting, and most aligned

  
  

• You cultivate your discernment and boundaries in real-time

  
  

• You stay in your power rather than trying to “win” someone over

  
  
  
  

And—if you’re being honest—it just feels healthier than obsessing over the one guy who texts back inconsistently but has great chemistry when you’re together. (You know the one. 😅)

Back to my story:

 I planned to begin rotational dating around the time my now husband first asked if I would be interested in going out on a date. At the time while I wasn’t having the best time in the dating pool I was still actively dating. Since we hadn’t been on our first date yet I had to see if it was even proper to add him to my rotation. The only option was to have our first date and find out.  

Let’s talk about what Rotational dating is NOT:  

Messy-No!

Not if you’re clear and grounded.

The mess usually comes from:

• Lack of honesty (with yourself or others)

  
  

• Unclear intentions

  
  

• Abandoning your standards for attention or potential

  
  

Rotational dating isn’t about “juggling” or pretending to be someone you’re not. It’s not about leading anyone on. You’re dating, not committing. That’s the key.

If someone asks if you’re dating other people, you can answer truthfully with grace:

“Yes, I’m keeping my options open and dating intentionally to see what aligns best for me. I value connection, and I take commitment seriously, which is why I don’t rush it.”

Period. No drama. No shame. Just clarity.

How my Husband shut down my Rotational dating plan and tips I can offer through my experience:

Our first date was so much fun and while I didn’t know what the future held I knew it was a great place to continue my rotational dating plans until the future was revealed.  After our first date while walking me to the car he asked if I’d like to go out the following weekend. I accepted his date invitation still with plans to accept other dates if the desire arose. 

1. Know Your Non-Negotiables

Before you rotate anyone in, get clear on what you will not compromise on. Core values. Communication style. Emotional availability. Long-term goals.

When you know what’s essential vs what’s just “nice to have,” you can navigate dating with way less confusion.

 The following week was busy and his date was the only one I accepted. Let’s also note that while I was actively dating I also wasn't in a rush.  My intention was not to make something happen, it was to not waste my time.   After another fun date he walked me to my car again and asked for a third date the following week. These date requests came with a day and time already set.  I accepted the third date. 

2. Create an Energetic System

Keep a note in your phone or chose a journal/tool. Track how each person makes you feel. Not how much fun you had or how cute they are—how do you feel when you’re with them? Energized or anxious? Seen or overlooked? Light or on edge? The Aligned Living Notebook is perfect for this! Grab it here

Energy never lies.

Our third date was filled with the best conversation and very intentional talks.  While we didn’t discuss if we were seeing other people my now husband was very intentional about how he guided our conversation to not only get to know each other but discuss our values. As our date ended he again walked me to my car and asked me out for our fourth date, which would fall on the day before my 39th birthday.  During the days between our dates I accepted calls from him, we kept our same busy schedules but he had really subtle ways that he would include me throughout his day. 

3. Let Each Connection Breathe

Resist the urge to over-communicate or schedule back-to-back dates. You don’t have to text all day. You don’t have to prove your worth. Let things unfold naturally and observe who takes initiative to build something real with you.

So here I was with a fourth date scheduled with this man.  The weeks had flown by and all I can remember is going from inner work, to self care to accepting dates that sounded like something I would be interested in.  Others had called and offered but I was very adamant that I wouldn't be inconvenienced in the least by accepting another date invitation if it didn’t align and at the time they didn’t.  

4. Stay Grounded in Your Self-Work

Rotational dating is only effective if you’re anchored in self-awareness. Keep doing your inner work. Journal. Reflect. Check in with your spirit. Ask yourself if your dating behavior is aligned with your healed self—or your past self. This is the reason I write a love list and The Aligned Playbook-Check it out here

It was time for our fourth date and I was excited about life.  I was excited to celebrate my birthday the next day with my best girlfriends.  I was excited to celebrate what I call my “New Year”. As I finished sipping my cocktail and our date came to a close he asked if we could be exclusive.  I remember being stunned-why you ask? After all, one of the points to rotational dating is to allow the one who is meant for you to reveal himself. I was in shock in part because I had prepared myself for the long haul so to speak.  If I needed to rotational date for 6 months, a year or longer I was up for it.  I was even more shocked that if you notice I didn’t even get the chance to truly rotational date. While he had his strategy of courting me I was focused on my strategy to have fun and heal. Strategies neither of us mentioned to each other we just lived out our intention.

5. Don’t Lock In Too Soon

Let a man show you with consistent action that he wants to pursue something deeper. That’s his job. Your job is to receive the effort, assess the alignment, and respond accordingly.

If someone starts asking for exclusivity, that’s a beautiful conversation to have—but it should feel natural, mutual, and not fear-based.

I happily accepted his invitation to date exclusively and the rest is history.  I processed the date and the weekend after being with all my friends to celebrate my birthday.  While I was shocked that the process was so smooth and still joke with my husband to this day that he ruined my rotational dating plan he says, “That was always the plan.” My husband knew that with his intention, his energy and his word there would be no one else that could match. Along with that he knew he was strategically taking all the premium date days of a woman that was busy and driven.  Such a smart guy! 

Rotational dating isn’t for everyone, and that’s okay. But if you’re in your soft power era, building a life you love, and ready to meet someone who matches your intentionality—it might be exactly the shift you need.

Remember-You are not “too much” because you won’t settle. You’re not wrong for expecting consistency, clarity, and consideration. Rotational dating is a tool—it only works if you are in the driver’s seat.

Date with your eyes open and your heart guarded—but not closed. You can be open without being desperate. You can be discerning without being bitter. And you can absolutely be desired without settling for breadcrumbs.

We are the prize and with the right person you both win!